The Venue:
What It’s Supposed to Look Like:
One important use of the pool for a working writer:
Another important use of the pool for a working writer:
The Careful, Skillful Maintenance (an actual Olympic event in itself—the NIGHTLY POOL COVERING EVENT)
Kindly notice that when properly covered it is very difficult to determine exactly where the edge of the pool actually is, especially if someone has carelessly placed lounge chairs close to edge…giving the illusion that there’s room to get around. (There is not.)
What It Should NEVER Look Like:
However, this humiliation was cleverly immediately turned into the culminating Olympic event of the 2026 Florida Olympic Pool Surfing Competitions, most of which my granddaughter proclaimed the Philippines to have won (she represented them in pool noodle surfing, and many other events. I was repeatedly fired for incompetence as both competitor and announcer). Is she Filipino? (you sensibly ask) No, not one cell of her is—both sides of her family are of European heritage. However–consider how cool it is that a friend innocently asked if she is–because she has brown eyes and tans easily despite full body sunscreen. So, a fine athlete, she generously represents them in all 2026 Florida Pool Surfing Olympic events. Yes, I love her a ton and this is typical of what a sweetheart she is.
Anyway, this last event, designed on the spot, involves a rare, complex, and exceptionally stupid skill:
Having failed to distinguish the edge of the pool from the pool covering, is it actually possible for competitor to disentangle herself from a pool cover that is a giant flotation device in order to remove herself—fully dressed in jeans and sweatshirt—to exit the pool?
How many team members will be required to assist and how long wlll it take? Will the canine team member be a help or an active hindrance if said canine jumps in to assist?
Was the closing ceremony Olympic torch extinguished in the pool or does it burn on, alcohol-fed until the competitor is actually out of the pool?
Stay tuned, folks. (And here you thought the Olympics were over!)
You’re invited (begged) to leave your comments below about whatever little known Olympic skill you might have mastered…I do believe that NBC fails to film many.
So glad you made it the quiet balmy days of Florida. I have a former student nearby who is a local fireman and expert in emergencies and rescues. After viewing the picture of every angle. He wondered by the pictured canine seemed so, well, uninvolved. Perhaps just laughing too much to risk showing any awareness. Anyway, his professional opinion to avoid the cover wrapping up you and all involved and then sinking to the bottom of the pool, drowning all just as in those warning about keeping plastic bags out of the hands of children — well, clearly the same applies to pool covers, and perhaps pools. RATHER, he said, first drain the pool and then lower a ladder into the now empty (except for the tarp and you) pool and film your climbing out. Then he offered as a suggestion for the pool, fill it in and plant tomatoes. Hope that helps — and from a professional. Cheers, Michael
OH, such fine professional advice!! I forwarded your most excellent comment on to the team from the floating desk I’ve had Amazon deliver–overnight service for a small extra fee!–and they dutifully began to drain the pool. However, I do believe your (thoughtful, caring, thoroughly professional) expert may have failed to consider how the sudden disruption in water level would affect the beverage in my hand. This solution doesn’t work. It’s just too disruptive, but I thank you sincerely for the effort you’ve obviously made to be extremely helpful.
Thanks, Lynne! You may recall that my first professional movie job was as a production assistant on the film of John Cheever’s story, THE SWIMMER. Now you’ve given me a crackerjack idea for a sequel. What’s most inspiring about your blog post is how you’ve demonstrated that in this modern age of CGI and AI, there’s still no substitute for an actor daring enough to do her own stunts. Brava!
Well, Preston, here’s the thing. I do believe that my side gig doing my own stunt work will come to a an abrupt and self-imposed end. The film crew here is loud, messy and feel entitled to unlimited breaks and free snacks. Plus, they continuously praise the canine crew member and fail to even mention me, let alone toss me treats as they do her. I mean, not that I want Pup’s Best Life Liver Snaps, I do not, but I see them unwrapping very delicious-appearing dark chocolate. Do they share? Not a bit. Did they fail pre-school where this skill is taught? I suspect so. Preston, if this is the standard in your entertainment industry, I fear I simply cannot abide it.
What can I say? Hollywood’s loss.