…I take many deep breaths and launch another novel out into the world. MOTHERS OF FATE is was published yesterday in tradebound paper and ebook, available on all the various platforms. The audible book will be out in the next couple of days. I really hope you love this one, in which I’ve tackled a number of issues: workplace power dynamics and sexual abuse, the complexities of adoption from the points of view of a birth mother, an adoptee, and adoptive parents, as well as marital conflict and parenting issues. Two primary characters are lesbian, but they are simply a married couple traveling an empty, unmarked road in the dark with no certain destination and no map anyway, which has nothing to do with their being gay. And underlying it all lurks the question of what controls our lives? Is there such a thing as destiny or fate? Is anything “meant to be” as many describe their their belief about their partner? Or, is everything that happens to us a direct result of the choices we make?

I was particularly happy when a magazine called FRESH FICTION decided to feature MOTHERS OF FATE this month. They asked to interview me as one of the characters, which I found to be a creative and unusual approach. They’ve also give me permission to print the interview here, after publication in the magazine this morning. So, with much gratitude to @FreshFiction, I’d like to present it now, which I think will provide an interesting introduction to a primary plot of the novel. (It’s also really easy to read the opening of the novel on the novel’s page of my website as well as a brief plot summary on Amazon or any online retail site.)

Now, here is the “Conversation In Character,” with questions from the Fresh Fiction editor.

Hello, Deana Wilkes, and welcome! Thank you for talking with us today. How would you describe your family or your childhood?

First, thank you so much for wanting to interview me! It’s an honor to be in such an important publication. And…this first question isn’t easy. In a way, I was lucky. I had a two-parent home with a stay-at-home mother and a banker-father, both of them high-school graduates. My mother was obsessed with keeping our house spotless—but then she literally loved to clean. Although I was an only child, I don’t recall many family activities. I do remember that my mother and her friends were covertly competitive about their children and anything I did, I knew, was supposed to add to her reflected glory with them. My dad just sort of hung out in the background and didn’t say much of anything. They were willing to send me to community college as long as it was to gain a practical skill, in case I didn’t find a husband quickly. You know—that was the late seventies, and it’s 2013 now. Even though many women were talking about their liberation back then, a lot of us were stuck with our families’ old views and values and really didn’t have the expectations that the girls that came up behind us have had.

What was your greatest talent?

Hmmm. I never considered myself particularly good at anything except trying to please people. I’ve gone in the opposite direction, now, tired after thirty years of waiting in the wings, working, saving up, having nothing for myself, staying quiet, doing what’s expected and best for everyone else. I’ve always kept my word, and I still don’t want anyone to get hurt, but I know what I want and I’m going after it.

Do you have a significant other?

Well, I have had them in the past, and I do now, but it’s not what you think. I was married—briefly, and good lord, was following that script ever a mistake. I was a young—we all were when we married back then—and he did me the great favor of having a transparent affair just a couple of years in. It set me free to be divorced, although my parents were scandalized. After that, I grew out my hair, shortened my skirts, learned how to use makeup, and…that was when I met the love of my life. Tony. He was my boss, and he was also married. But he was my destiny, and we each made promises. And I believed life itself had made me a promise. Either I was right, or destiny is a damned liar, but I’m a believer, and ever since, I have had a very significant other in my heart, but not in my life. My son. I have spent thirty years waiting to meet him, and have retained a lawyer, one who is a certified mediator, also, to find him.

What’s your biggest challenge in relationships?

I’ve always thought it was that I was disabled. I have to use at least one arm crutch, and now that I’m in my fifties, with my hair gone shapeless and spider-web gray, when I leave my house I sometimes use two, the way I had to all the time long ago after the accident. I’m not sure disability is the whole story, honestly. Maybe it’s that I’ve never let go of Tony and that conviction that he was my destiny and we only get one. And, of course, I’ve been saving all my resources—and maybe that means emotional, too—to find my son when the time came. And it’s now.

Where do you live?

I live in Pittsburgh. Always have. Not over in the expensive side, Squirrel Hill, of course, but still, in a decent neighborhood where I have a small house with a detached one-car garage, same as most of my neighbors.

Do you have any enemies?

Kathleen, Tony’s wife, might think of me as an enemy. Not that I have had contact with her for thirty years, but when my lawyer does, I can imagine that it will awaken any hatred for me that’s been sleeping. Maybe Monica, my lawyer’s, offer will help that—but on the other hand, Kathleen could easily throw that aside as she’s rich in all the ways I’ve never been: children, family support, money and possessions.

How do you feel about the place you are now? Are you attached to it?

I can’t imagine leaving Pittsburgh although I have no great love for it. I’ve no place to compare it to, for one thing. I’ve been alone and disabled so long that traveling held no appeal—and I either didn’t have the money or was saving it all. It’s where my time with Tony was, one spring, one summer. My son was born here. My parents are buried here. Where would I go?

What do you do for a living? 

I am a CPA. I work out of my home.

Your greatest disappointment? 

Honestly, I think it’s that I sold myself and my son out. Not that I thought of it that way at the time. I never wanted to give my son up and didn’t plan to. I think I was played. I’ll still keep my word, but I’m determined to make this right.

What is your greatest source of joy?

Hmmm. I don’t think of myself as having joy. I have hope, I’d say, that joy will come soon.

What do you do to entertain yourself or have fun?

I’m not exactly a fun person. I can tell you what I enjoy: the volunteer tutoring I do to help kids struggling with math. And I mentor several disabled teenagers after school to help them be confident that after graduation they can live with their disability but not be defined by it—they can do well, have good lives. No, I don’t let them know that I’m a terrible example. Mainly, they talk about their feelings, and I listen, understand, and accept. Encourage when I can. I enjoy that.

What is your greatest personal failing in your view? 

That I did not see a way to keep my son. Yes, I was alone, pregnant, laid off when the economy was crashing around me, and my parents would not or could not help me, But other women did it, I’m sure. My family would have been horrified had I sought welfare, but of course, there must have been options. I was naïve, inexperienced, and scared to death. And then I got played by someone who was not.

What keeps you awake at night? 

The sense that Monica Connell, my lawyer, is putting me off. She says she’s totally committed to my case after I’d swear she waffled about it while claiming she wasn’t. Why does she want so many meetings? And why does she keep warning me?

What is the most pressing problem you have at the moment?

It’s related to what’s keeping me awake at night. I worry about Monica’s hesitations, though I really like her a lot. I preferred a woman attorney and one who is a mediator, too. She’s very kind and she listens to me. I don’t really understand why it’s so important to her to tell me that she was abused in a workplace, or that she has an adopted baby. Yeah, okay, it’s my leg that’s disabled, not my vision. There’s a picture on her desk that told me about her family. Monica’s baby is either biracial or black, the baby is being held by a woman who’s not Monica, and she and Monica are both white and both wearing wedding rings that look identical. So who cares? I see no relevance at all to anything, and especially not to what she needs to do for me. Can we move on now??

Is there something you need or want that you don’t have? 

Oh yes. To fill this enormous hole in my heart, assuage my guilt, soothe the ache of my regret, and, I hope, earn his forgiveness: a chance with my son. He’s an adult now. How I wish I’ll know the story of his life until now. Someone does.

Why don’t you have it (what you want?)

Because I won’t break my word. And, I must have a mediator to go to Kathleen to make that right, as well find my son and give him a chance to say no. As much as I’ve been hurt, I still won’t destroy other lives just because mine has been. It’s all in Monica’s hands.

——————————

Thank you for reading! One last warning: Cassie is mightily pissed off. I tried to hide Deana’s gray cat named Buster who has a bit part in the novel, but Cassie sniffed him out. She’s not even mollified by the good dogs I did give Jennie and Brian in the novel, but I’ve promised to do better to meet her no cats! demand. Please remember to leave reviews for MOTHERS OF FATE (a couple of words count!!) and for any book you might want to help along in the world. Authors are very very grateful. AND, do leave a comment or question below! I read and respond to every single one. Thank you so much for caring!