Television is evil. It is obviously ruining The Perfect Dog.
This is all our kids’ fault. They insisted that my husband and I are completely out of it (new evidence of their favorite point!) when they belatedly discovered that we’d never watched a single episode of Breaking Bad. The final astounding, culture-changing episode had aired, and we both shrugged and said “Never watched it,” months after the series had gone away. They, on the other hand, were still talking about how fantastic it was.
We didn’t even know enough to be humiliated; they’ve alluded to our boring-as-cement lives for years. However when our siblings and friends agreed with them that the series is must-see-TV, we finally caved and started watching it on Netflix.
Here’s where we went wrong: we didn’t realize the dog was watching it, too. He looked so innocent. He pretended to be sleeping. Yeah. He was obviously observing how Walter Sr. fooled his family by pretending to be a harmless high school Chemistry teacher all the while refining his meth-manufacturing technique and becoming a drug lord. Check the first picture: notice how Scout lies on his back in a pose of total nonchalance. What you can’t see is that his head is carefully angled so he can take in the TV picture through his slitted eyes.
It was after Season 2 that we started noticing how often Scout was shooting out the doggie door. Especially in the early evening. We bragged to each other, “How cute! How helpful! What a good dog! He’s chasing squirrels out of the garden. Wow, he sure is fast.” It was much later–after we’d argued about which one of us had failed to thaw something for dinner or buy some needed grocery–that we realized that neither one of us has dementia yet; we’d both thawed something for dinner, or bought butter, or cookies. Faster than the human eye can register motion, night after night, Scout snatches something from the counter and makes off with it out the doggie door. We figured it out because the ice cap has finally melted enough in these parts for us to find the plastic wrappings he’d craftily concealed in the shrubbery.
Did I mention he’s put on weight?
I tried leaving him threatening notes. I’ll include a picture of how well that worked.
We’re finally in the last season. Scout isn’t even pretending to sleep during the episodes now.
Yep. Breaking bad.